We rise. We have been fuelled by three signings. We know there is work to be done. Rumours never sleep. Rumours never rest. Rumours are everywhere. Twitter. Forums. Phones. We see all. We are snoops. We bring you rumours. We have rated them.


Mbwana Samatta 

We keep being bothered by this rumour. We are being kept awake by its persistence. Mbwana plays for Genk and he likes scoring for Genk. We read lots of reports that it is Cardiff vs. Middlesbrough going mano a mano for the Tanzanian international. Other reports say we will be fighting against Leicester and Watford. We only know he scores goals. And we would like him to score goals at Cardiff.

Jamal Lowe 

Lowe in name, Lowe in nature. We like the way Jamal Lowe wears his socks. Very low. Small shinpads. High on skill. Jamal Lowe. Portsmouth. His destiny seems away from Fratton Park and we know Cardiff has been linked. He scored goals last year. We know he can play as a winger or a striker. We know he is good. We don’t know if he will sign for Cardiff but we would like it. 


Lawrie Shankland 

We don’t know if this is true or not but we heard it on the grapevine. The grapevine being the Deep State Agents hidden within google. We won’t respond to rumours that we’ve been on the dark web. We don’t like strange places. Lawrie Shankland has banged goals in for Ayr. We would like him to bang goals in for Cardiff. But we don’t think this will happen. 

Jarrod Bowen 

There is a rumour that never goes out. We know Cardiff tried to sign him in January. We read about it. We read it on the internet so therefore it’s true. That’s what the internet is for. Truths and complete truths. We think Jarrod Bowen is good and pure. But we don’t know if he will play for Cardiff. We would like it very much. But we don’t know. 


Gary Hooper 

Gary Hooper looks like Joe Day. Maybe Joe Day is Gary Hooper. We are in the Twilight Zone. Who was the man behind Big Ken’s legs? We are told it’s Joe Day but have you ever seen Joe Day and Gary Hooper together in the same room? We have not. Hooper is on a free and we like him. He’s scored lots of goals. We think he would be a good option. But we don’t know if he likes us. Gary, please say. 

Lewis Holtby 

We think this is a smart trick by Scott Johnson but we keep hearing we are in talks with Lewis from Germany. He played for Tottenham. He played for Fulham. But we think he hasn’t fulfilled his Welsh duty yet. He is good and runs a lot and has lovely hair and we are apparently in talks with him. Will we sign him? We’d like to.